I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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