Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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