I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Randomize
