thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
