Define "chronic" masturbator.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I pour the whiskey from now on
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
