Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
