the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
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