hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
It's Friday. Sex?
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
