it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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