I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
