She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
