Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
