dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Randomize
