i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
