Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
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