if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
