shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
