I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
