I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
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