dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
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