She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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