I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
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