all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
