we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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