literally had 100 drinks last night.
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
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