Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
