I just saw a hot homeless man
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Randomize
