Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
