dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
