I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize