I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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