is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
