Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
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