some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Randomize
