I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
