from now on my penis is your penis
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Randomize
