yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
