Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
