You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
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