A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
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