Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
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