There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
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