there's paper in my vomit.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize