I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
