Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
