I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
