he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I need to sanitize my soul.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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