drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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