How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Randomize
