we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize