Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
