the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I have feelings that need drinking.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
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