just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
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