I'm lost and stupid without you.
i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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