I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
