I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
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