You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
