I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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