The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
