The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
