I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
