smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
