you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
