I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
