PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
