That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
