Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Randomize
