Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
