I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
