I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
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