I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
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