is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
