So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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