wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Randomize
