just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Randomize
