If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
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