So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
We got so high we made milksteak
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
