what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
