before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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